Armchair Talking Head

In local politickin’ news, Winston County’s favorite son and 2002 Democratic Gubernatorial Candidate Mark “Rodeo Clown” Townsend is back in action.  He now goes by Mark “NO NCAA” Townsend, and this time he’s squaring off against Vivian Figures in the Democratic Primary for U.S. Senate.  This is the man who in his bid for Governor wanted to build a replica of Noah’s Ark at Looney’s Tavern in Double Springs.

His new campaign website, tactfully named www.sessionsisasissy.com is an absolute riot.  In 8 pages of “campaign material” he accuses Karl Rove of stealing his dog that was to sire a puppy for Don Siegelman, espouses extensively his hatred for the NCAA (can’t say that I totally disagree with him here, but it ain’t your mama’s Senatorial campaign plank), challenges State Senator Charles Bishop to a fight, and introduces his campaign manager Sexy Rexy Robbins.  Why is Sexy Rexy qualified to run a Senatorial Campaign you ask?  Well that’s easy.  According to Townsend’s site, Sexy Rexy once knocked a buzzard from the sky with a golf ball!  In Class 4A Region 8 news, Sexy Rexy once sold popcorn for the Haleyville Lions, but the evil Republicans accused Sexy Rexy of theft *gasp*.  Sexy Rexy is now a Deshler fan, and wears a crusty hat to prove it.

Townsend has posted Sexy Rexy’s phone number on his site.  I’m seriously considering requesting an interview.

I am also proud to give my unconditional endorsement to Mark “Rodeo Clown, NO NCAA” Townsend in the June Democrat Primary.  As a Republican, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have to play Don Quixote to Jefferson Beauregard Sessions.